Good Christ, I’m over it.
This post won’t touch much on the financials, so fair warning if that’s not your cup of tea.
Very long story short– my husband and I have started a trial separation.
As with many relationships, it’s complex and layered. I still don’t feel at liberty to go into details, but from my perspective, most of it comes down to really poor communication.
I think there are cultural, family, and personality influences at play with this communication problem. I think, at it’s simplest, my husband isn’t great at initiating important discussions, and I’m not great at creating a welcoming environment for them. Sometimes when I don’t want to face something, I’ll be dismissive about it. The price of that has been 16 years in a relationship denying each other what we really want. That sounds bananas, and it is. Some of that was probably our life circumstances and getting together at such a young age, but I think more constructive communication would have made our issues not so insurmountable.
And I still don’t think they’re insurmountable, but I also think my husband is so disappointed with how things turned out that his feelings have changed for me. It’s understandable. Again, though, that is but the base layer of what’s going on. There are certainly other factors at play.
Shortly after the discussion of a trial separation came up, our sweet and beautiful greyhound passed. He had a condition we knew about, but we weren’t prepared for how quickly things turn and go downhill. So we leaned heavily on each other that week, and I’m grateful to still have had that during that time. Things are civil, but I’m fairly certain he’s not in love with me anymore.
I’ve been staying with my younger sister who has moved into the big sister role in a completely unexpected and impressive way. So even with everything crashing down and my soul eroding, I feel a lot of comfort being with her and her pup.
I’ll give a little insight on the current financial situation, though. Right now, everything is still going into our joint account. We are paying for things as usual and are contributing just to the match in our 401(k)s. Everything else is going to cash. If things work out, great. If not, I think the splitting of assets will be easier with more cash on hand that putting into investments. I hate it, but I think it’s the smartest way to go right now.
More to come. Going to try to figure out the rest of my life this month. Wishing you and yours the best in 2023.
-K