“Gap year” tends to make you think of the high school graduate, full of wanderlust and indecisiveness. Likely funded by Mom and Dad, they scoot off the Europe, Vietnam, and Australia for a year to figure out who they are, what they want to do with their lives, and have a lot of fun along the way.
That’s nice and all, but what about the rest of us who 1) didn’t have parents funding the break, 2) maybe never went away to college, or 3) just never thought it was a viable option?
I’m right smack in the middle of my 30s and had a bomb dropped on my already burned-out work state.
My team lead called me Friday to tell me he got selected for our boss’s job. While I’m thrilled for him, I was also a little blindsided, as he’d kept saying how he was the “underdog” and didn’t really want the job. I wasn’t totally convinced that was the case, but based on a conversation we’d had weeks prior, I assumed he wanted to stay in his current position until he retires.
That was incorrect.
He’s taking the job, so that means someone needs to fill his shoes. He has always teased me about taking over the team, and I’ve tried to gracefully indicate that I’m not all that interested. I’m currently his second in command, and I like it that way. I know about his headaches, and I’m not about to sign up for them.
He says, “Think about what you want to do and let me know next week.”
It’s odd, because I feel like most young-ish professionals would jump at the pay raise and additional responsibility.
I, in contrast, spent a total of 3 hours crying about it this weekend. I just feel trapped and kind of useless. First world problems.
Really, though, I wouldn’t say I’ve ever loved this job. It’s a means to and end, it pays very well, and I get those good government benefits. I’ve learned a lot of great skills and have gotten in on some fun travel opportunities, but there are a lot of days when I want to gouge out my eyeballs in frustration and complete lack of interest in the subject matter. A visceral reaction like to a potential promotion opportunity says something, doesn’t it?
The kicker here is that, even if I decline the chance to interview, I know that the government will take months to hire a new team lead. This means I will be doing the job until that happens–at my current pay.
I don’t like being back into a corner, so I’m trying to figure out other options. I looked at other jobs in my organization, and reading them elicited that same eye-gouging reaction. I’M NOT INTO IT ANYMORE.
But there’s no other real industry down here in my area that pays well and has those kind of benefits. This adds to the feeling of being a slave to a salary.
Then, this weekend, I started toying with the idea of a gap year.
I’ve been in this industry for over a decade now in one capacity or another. I climbed the ladder for years in anticipation of having to support my mother when she and my dad split. Sadly, she passed away a few years ago. When that happened, I no longer felt the need to continue climbing for the sake of making more money.
And that’s where things are now– what’s even the point? Why would I take a job I don’t want? Why would I agree to lead a team when I don’t even care about what we’re doing? That would suck for everyone else too. Bringing an outsider in is always somewhat risky, but at least they could muster up some enthusiasm.
There is a strong, strong feeling of just wanting out. A gap year (or even just 6 months) would certainly set back early retirement goals, but the way things are going, I’d doubt I’d even last that long in my industry to meet those goals.
We could probably handle it financially… we have a lot of savings, my husband is doing work he likes, and I’d probably have to work part-time anyway (in something easy). The main concern is health/dental/vision insurance and dropping benefits like my HSA and TSP. Not to mention, I’d either need to get back into the industry (shudder) or completely start fresh in something new. That would likely mean much lower pay than I’m used to.
And then there would be the questions. Everyone probably already thinks I’m nuts, but this would really tip the scale. Not that it matters, when I make my mind up, it’s made up. I just don’t want to have to explain it to anyone– it’s between my husband and me.
We’ll see how the week goes. Until then, I’ll be researching my options in moving forward.
Do you know someone that’s done a gap year as an adult? What would be your biggest concerns?
-K